hug

he came to college today.

to practise his music. for their album. he’s cutting one with a friend.

and he was darnnnnnnnnnn late. joe said that when he was on the way, he’s still in the shower.

When i was about to leave, he went with me into the lift. We stood at opposite end; i went to left, he went to right.

*lift goes down one floor*

Silence.

*lift goes down another floor*

He moves. I half turn, looking at him almost expectantly. He said, don’t move, and hugged me from behind. He’s warm. And his hands are sweaty, they keep twitching nervously on my shoulders.

After that i sat in the office, waiting, thinking. I tried to recapture his warmth, the moment, and i feel more guilty. He loves me, but i don’t.

*edit 14/4/09*

I wonder how someone i barely noticed, could become so important to me now.  Time flew. Feelings fly even faster.

rong fang.

i think its pretty insignificant to write about this now.

its amazing you still care about me.

It made me feel…..happy. i think. i get this expansive,floating happy feeling in my heart when you asked: Wad happen? Ytd i saw…”so she’s ur back up huh?” “

Yes. i’m touched you cared. and i still love you.

big deal

mc_nugget90@hotmail.com sent 3/6/2009 10:23 PM:
okay…
mc_nugget90@hotmail.com sent 3/6/2009 10:23 PM:
and then waht happened?
audrey : a useless lp. says:
wat is the point of knowing anyway?
NuGgEt ^_^ says:
huh?
NuGgEt ^_^ says:
hahaha
NuGgEt ^_^ says:
am i actually getting it that you dont want me to know about this?
audrey : a useless lp. says:
no, i mean wats d point?
audrey : a useless lp. says:
wen u rather tell everything to yanshan
audrey : a useless lp. says:
and not to me
audrey : a useless lp. says:
coz u think i’ll spill ur secret to alex?
audrey : a useless lp. says:
and thn u wan to find out abt wat happened in my day

I mean, what’s the big deal?

If you won’t tell me about your stuff, why should i tell you about mine?

hahaha, lousy musings

and this is what you left behind for me.

You never left.

You were always there inside me.

You’ve left a mark deep down in me.

You can’t see it, sometimes i pretend i cant see it too.

I draw your name on my wrist,

and i feel worse

to see the reminder that you’re still here.

the aftermath

it’s over. Let it be. He’d be happier without you around.

Come on. you know he’s not that weak.

just so you know

do u miss me? i do.

Is it contempt? no its not, u’ve got it all wrong.

.

.

.

is it the end? yes it is.

the death of Love

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.— Annoymous

That’s us.

Not that there was ever love between us.

i know u dont mean it when you said, ” I love you.”

i dont love you too, but i care.

i dont know how we ended up like this. i dont know what went wrong. i dont know what i did wrong. i dont know what was your mistake. i dunno how we ended up here.

specifically, i cant find a good reason to blame everything on you.

but, i guess like they say, its over.

we’re over.

perhaps i was the one who was wrong.

perhaps you were the fuckity-fuck bastard in this relationship.

but that doesnt stop me from wishing you were here, how i’ll rush to you and hug your shoulders tightly.

 

For every girl with a broken heart, there is a boy with glue.– Annoymous

i missed u

the time i missed you most, is when i’m back home.

when everybody’s gone

when there’s nothing for me to do in house

i try not to think about you.

coz, d more i think, d more confused i get.

and worse, i miss you even more.

they say its like grieving.

some days its good. some days it aint.

well, today was not good. coz i bit the forbidden apple today.

once you start remembering, it’ll drag on for the rest of the day.

i went to borders today. this snippet of conversation suddenly jumped at me from nowhere…

guess which section i’m in.

Astrology? Or witchcraft…manga?

i suppose i’m kind of easy to read, once you get to know me.

my friend

I didnt quite mean tat sort of expectations. Of course there are eternal friendships. I jst want to know, how far are you going with us? is the limit at friends?

Then we shall be friends, strictly platonic.

hard work

i have to let go.

nobody said it was going to be easy.

you probably wont understand.

you probably blame me for everything.

you probably think everything was fine, why did you have to go and mess it up?

which i have to admit, is true in the deepest section of my heart.

i mess up, because i can’t get what i want.

what do i want? i want you.

i dont want to be another friend you care for.

i dont want to be a personal friend. like the one in Chua-Soi-Lek-Scandal.

i want to have you, wholly to myself.

But i know that impossible. :smiles:

you never did promise me anything.

you never did say you wanted me by your side forever and ever.

you said, you wanted to be my friend.

and truthfully, that was what i should have settled for in the first place, instead of indulging in this pseudo lover illusion.

i’m such a laughing stock.

i’m sorry i blamed you. coz the fault lies with me, in the first place, doesnt it?

i should have been smarter.

i should have read your fine print closer.

just take my time.

i’ll forget about you someday.