just so you know

do u miss me? i do.

Is it contempt? no its not, u’ve got it all wrong.

.

.

.

is it the end? yes it is.

the death of Love

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.— Annoymous

That’s us.

Not that there was ever love between us.

i know u dont mean it when you said, ” I love you.”

i dont love you too, but i care.

i dont know how we ended up like this. i dont know what went wrong. i dont know what i did wrong. i dont know what was your mistake. i dunno how we ended up here.

specifically, i cant find a good reason to blame everything on you.

but, i guess like they say, its over.

we’re over.

perhaps i was the one who was wrong.

perhaps you were the fuckity-fuck bastard in this relationship.

but that doesnt stop me from wishing you were here, how i’ll rush to you and hug your shoulders tightly.

 

For every girl with a broken heart, there is a boy with glue.– Annoymous

i missed u

the time i missed you most, is when i’m back home.

when everybody’s gone

when there’s nothing for me to do in house

i try not to think about you.

coz, d more i think, d more confused i get.

and worse, i miss you even more.

they say its like grieving.

some days its good. some days it aint.

well, today was not good. coz i bit the forbidden apple today.

once you start remembering, it’ll drag on for the rest of the day.

i went to borders today. this snippet of conversation suddenly jumped at me from nowhere…

guess which section i’m in.

Astrology? Or witchcraft…manga?

i suppose i’m kind of easy to read, once you get to know me.

my friend

I didnt quite mean tat sort of expectations. Of course there are eternal friendships. I jst want to know, how far are you going with us? is the limit at friends?

Then we shall be friends, strictly platonic.

hard work

i have to let go.

nobody said it was going to be easy.

you probably wont understand.

you probably blame me for everything.

you probably think everything was fine, why did you have to go and mess it up?

which i have to admit, is true in the deepest section of my heart.

i mess up, because i can’t get what i want.

what do i want? i want you.

i dont want to be another friend you care for.

i dont want to be a personal friend. like the one in Chua-Soi-Lek-Scandal.

i want to have you, wholly to myself.

But i know that impossible. :smiles:

you never did promise me anything.

you never did say you wanted me by your side forever and ever.

you said, you wanted to be my friend.

and truthfully, that was what i should have settled for in the first place, instead of indulging in this pseudo lover illusion.

i’m such a laughing stock.

i’m sorry i blamed you. coz the fault lies with me, in the first place, doesnt it?

i should have been smarter.

i should have read your fine print closer.

just take my time.

i’ll forget about you someday.

i’m not missing you

i think, the only way i’m gonna stop this pathetic moping is to completely forget you.

i’ll freeze us in time.

and there wont be anymore of you in my life.

there wont be any need for any more of these sad radio songs..

or seeing your name everywhere..

and this is the right choice.

its not the most comfortable nor happy one, but i think its the best choice i ever made.

its whats good for me. i dont know about you, but it is for me.

-

I wonder if I can pick myself up after this.

Wonder if I’ll be the same.

There’s too much of me that was with him. It’s like we fused together. And, not or. If one of us left, the other would not be here either.

I don’t want to leave.

in case i never got to tell you..

i care for you, more than any friend i know. its not love, but its something equivalent, that’s close.

i dont feel comfortable calling it love because… i usually say i love you if i’m going to be with that person forever. and i know that with you, i cant.

and i probably dont want to, either.

I

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When it reflects you back

And not someone else

It’s a relief

I’ve found myself back.

so sick

people change. you say people change, but i don’t.

i say, are you the same person 5 years ago?

do you think you’re the same person who couldnt decide which girl you liked more, jasryn or her best friend?

do you think you’re the same person who couldnt decide which girl’s attention you liked better, jasryn or her bestie?

yes. perhaps in some ways, we all are. i still have some parts of the old me. but we’re not the same. thats the difference.

i’m tired of being misunderstood. sick, disgusted, disappointed, and… tired. especially when the person you’re the closest to,  who you thought knew you inside out– turned out to be the one who understood the least.

we were similar in the beginning. Now, the closer we get, the more different we are.